it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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