OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
