Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
