I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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