I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I looked at my own cervix.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Terrible idea I love it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize