grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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