There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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