I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize