Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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