the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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