Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
