I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
