I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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