i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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