I murdered the dance floor call the cops
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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