Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
