i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
