i don't like sucking hair
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Someone shattered a urinal.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
