I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
