just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
