I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
