How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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