Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
