I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
