do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
