The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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