Where is the hickey?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
