Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
