8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
