If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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