The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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