i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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