She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
try to milk me bitch
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
