Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
