You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
