If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
