you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
