I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
