He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
