Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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