In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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