We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
