Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How does one acquire holy water?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
