So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
