remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize