bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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