Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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