if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
