White coat. Heels.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
