fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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