he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
