i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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