Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
