So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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