Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
