I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
