Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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