I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
