Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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