he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
