I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
try to milk me bitch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize