You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
