How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
