I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
