So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
