I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I had to cum in my sink.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
