Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize