Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
