I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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