I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
