he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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