i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
