I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We have started to decorate penises.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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