i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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