hotel room ftw
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i love accidental penises.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
