I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
