hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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