Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize