I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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