When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
