Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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