do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
