Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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