is your mom at the bar?
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
