I don't usually arrange sex via text message
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize