Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
