I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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