thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
