I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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