Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
