playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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