Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
