i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize