I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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