never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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